Because I don't have much to write, except that my O level results suck. Well guess I'll stop here...

   Lots of stuff been happening these few days. On Monday, Valentines' Day, the lot of us, CYC, X. Yong, X. Wei, Big Bird & myself went to play some pool, some Counterstrike etc. Big Bird left for Australia the following day(Tuesday).

   Rumour has it that the release of O level results will be next Monday, 21 Feb. i'm not sure myself, so I'll just keep it in mind. Had a whole day of hell yesterday working for almost 12hours straight(again). The worst part was dinner-shift, because dad suffered a migraine attack and stuff. It wasn't fun seeing him in pain, while having to tie up some loose ends here and there with regards to the restaurant's matters. Sure is painful being a son... when your dad's hurting, you hurt inside with him.


Musings of the moment:I'll take the lot,
                                  Of smothered pot,
                                  And put it out to rot.

   Nothing much to do today, bro's friends from school came by to do something about roses for the schools. I heard it's about something to do with a fund-raising plan for Valentines' Day. I pity the young fellows... (They'd understand why)

   Bro just ordered some pizza, its going to come anytime soon(not for me! Because I ain't part of their group, its sponsored by the teacher) Well done bro! Making me pay for it first...

   Got work tommorrow... on a freaking Sunday. Was up at the restaurant till 11pm yesterday, came back deadbeat, hit the sack immediately.

   I'd probably do this into a fictional narrative soon after, just hope I have both the time, as well as the inspiration to do so. I'd told this story to some of my closer friends, and it's not about boasting. Today, on Chinese New Year, I shall retell it all over again, this time uncovering the reasons as to why I remember it in spite of the years...

   Way back in Kindergarten, I was given the male starring role as a shepherd for a performance at a nearby primary school. That primary school later became the one which I would enter. Though I cannot recall clearly what had happened, I do remember putting on make-up and wearing my costume in preparation for the performance. The performance was a success, and till today I still have the costume I wore from way back.

   Fast forward to primary school. I was then a rather mischievous boy, always looking out for pranks to play. Sadly, these pranks I played cause much trouble, and my exasperated parents resorted to corporal punishment(now I must add that dad has long giving up on that way of disciplining his children, but I'm so glad that he did punish me, for one must always take responsibility for his actions.) Note that I was still a shy child, and I was mischievous only at home and with people I was comfortable with. I had absolutely no problems at school. Before long, the wild child in me had been stilled and I began to turn inward, losing hope, because whatever I did brought me punishment, even those I did in goodwill. Then, in Primary 4, something happened to lead me to finally lock myself inward.

True Ryan Cabrera

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I wont move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I don't look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you
I'm weak
It's true
Cos' I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cos' my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
It's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

I know when I go I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true...

***Beautiful song, imo. don'tya think so?***

Musings of the moment: Tick Tock Tick Tock
                                   Silently The Shadows Mock

   Things I forgot to add: I JUST BOUGHT A NEW MP3 PLAYER FOR MY YOUNGER BRO! Man it so rocks! I wish I'd bought it for myself T_T. My own one had its volume control jammed, so I'm keeping from using too much mp3. Just got my pay too, don't intend to spend it all just yet.

   Dad called me and my elder bro up to work today. Just got back. It wasn't so crowded but there were several big groups, so needless to say they gave us the fat bills we needed(small tables generally spend lesser than big groups per person).

   Cracked up today at work, just felt like letting loose. hAhAx. Been really fun working there.

   A time in history: My 1st failed attempt at making Iced Milo! lolz. It ended up looking like mud. Even worse, when I put the non-dairy creamer(I can't stand milk), the whole mass of "mud" turned white as well! Tasted kinda like milo left out for hours. Am definitely not going to try that all over again. >.<" (I didn't do it the correct way. I put cold water and then ice. My colleague says that I'd ought to put hot water first, before adding ice.)

   Alright, I'll stop here, peace.

   Yeah, songs like Melodies Of Life, Suteki Dane & 1000 words all have the similar tinge of sadness. Makes me feel the same too. I just sent Suteki Dane to a friend a couple of days ago. His reply: Damn you, now you're making me cry!

   Numerous thoughts are racing through my mind now. How I wish to revert to the simple-minded child I was before puberty. Back then I couldn't comprehend anything complex; everytime i tried it only hurt my mind. Because of that, I didn't try after some time. Ignorance is bliss. Leave the worrying to the adults, the grey-haired fogies who're trying to rule your life behind the mask of being parents...

   Games mean so much less now, giving seems to be the way. Just gave my younger bro a new mp3. Didn't know why I felt like giving, guess I just did it. Maybe its because both my elder bro & I already have one, so I'd tried to balance the equation... Maybe not. Don't know what I'm supposed to think about now, mind going way too fast, way too hard. Still got work tommorrow night. Chinese New Year's coming soon. Restaurant gearing up for CNY crowds. Dad gets hyped into overdrive, I self-destruct. Seriously, heavy duty worrying ain't good for the greying mind, and neither is it for us teenagers. Argh. Head hurting. Strangely eyes still fixtated to the screen as I type in emotional sandstorm.

   Pardon me for cursing so near to the new year. Fucking n00bs, fucking contradictions of life, fucking lack of stuff to do, fucking useless body of mine, fucking crappy shit that bogs us all down as we crash past puberty;Love, fucking sonofa***** who pissed me off with his bag of wind, fucking shit for the sake of saying it...

   Just got it all out. Felt sick trying to pretend being the goody-two-shoes I never was. I never knew myself back then. Back then it was all about following what parents said. Just like a robot. Robot. It's no wonder robots are being invented and finetuned to what scientists believe is perfection. Bullshit. robots are just high-tech replacements for the wayward children they never knew how to raise properly. Go try getting those robotic dogs to enduring all those hollering then. Go tell them to think independently and then screw them for not following outdated rules. Go label them as mavericks when they can't meet ur 100% results target. Oh wait, of course they couldn't. YOU created that. YOU aren't perfect. So why should THEY be perfect? After all doesn't Shit give birth to shit?

   Maybe I ain't as calmed down as I thought.

   Been a long tiring day. I must thank my cousin, Clement, for taking me on a tour around SP today. The only problem is, none of us were really interested in Mechatronics. The insight was refreshing though, and I thank you once again. I was especially intrigued by the biogel project. :)

   Past few days have been kind of crazy. And I mean that literally. I had to complete a script for my al mater's CNY concert within 3days' notice. Did major gaming on my com too. Anyway, I got a few days of leave this week thanks in part to my dental appointment and by cousin's invitation to SP's open house.(Singapore Polytechnic)

   Just had a game of CS with my friends. hAhAx, still suck at AWP. Okay, guess I'll stop here. Friends calling me back into the game. Ttyl.

   I made a trip to the dentist's today. After that, I came back and was crashing on DotA all the way. I did stop for my brother to use, for say, 2 or 3 hours. Man I tell ya, DotA rox!

   Just thought I'd stop by for a short while, since my friends are still busy in other games. Been making sandcastles in the air all this while...

   As always, I look to the stars to calm my soul. It has been a rather hectic week at work, mostly due to the increased patronage at dad's restaurant (and that's all thanks to the writeups in the magazines!). Been doing housework yesterday and today. Also started on a nightly exercise regime, hehe, but I won't comment on that.

   X. Wei & CYC gave me a shock about something they said yesterday. Glad it's all over, I WARN YOU, DON'T SPILL THE BEANS...

   Been training and pwning @ DotA. Going for a dental appointment tomorrow, so I've got to sleep early today. Am so hooked on to dad's canto-pop CDs... Ripped them into my mp3 player, and am now listening to one.